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Cool, good to know. And yes! A wizard asked for something from the portal and a time-altering chalice tried to spit itself out instead, now it's trapped there and a bunch of us are regressing! I'm thirteen.

Ew.

[That came out unbidden, Lucifer surprised into reacting before he caught hold of himself.]

Well. That's... unfortunate. Is it doing that to everyone?

[A sudden wonder if he'd find the love of his life waddling around in diapers. Father save him.]

No, only a few of us are de-aged, but the damnable cup took my sister's arm off somehow. I've alerted a bunch of heroic types to deal with it, but ...

[ But no one is really listening to him anymore, and it's not because he's him. It's because he has puppyfat. Ew, indeed. ]

I met with your sister. She seems lovely. Reminds me of home, almost.

[All lack of humor and deadly grace.]

And what would you want me to do, mm? I'm afraid time isn't my gig. If Amenadiel were here and had his powers, I'd suggest him.

She's terrifying, it's pretty great.

[ Fond as he sounds, he huffs as they get back to the point. ]

Can't you scare someone? Kick someone up the backside with a hoof, "Get a move on!" Have them make haste.

... No hooves, thank you. That goat thing was a lie.

[He was going to pluck Amenadiel bald.]

I could likely scare them. But I don't think that would do anything other than make them wet themselves.

Good. Make them cry like babes. [ Said with all the conviction of a sour teenager that can't reach any of the shelves where he lives. His life is so difficult. ] You're not going to help, then?

[ His list of Worthy and Powerful adults is running surprisingly thin. ]

Less that I'm not and more that I don't know what you expect me to do. I'm not omnipotent, dear boy. I could swat someone upside the head, but I can't make them do anything.

...

Correction, I don't make people do anything. Quite a strong believer in Free Will. If they want to be a bunch of idiots running amok, then that's their own bloody fault, isn't it?

But I'm short.

[ Not the gravest of his current concerns but a very strong reason to whine petulantly. ]

So grow out of it? Aren't you a shapeshifter?

It doesn't work like that, I can't even ...

[ Clamping his mouth shut as he almost admits too much, he snorts and the sound of him flopping on a couch carries over the line. ]

Never mind. You can go back to your nice tall life now.

I am rather tall, yes.

[Another point of Pride for him. Taller than Amenadiel, who was his big brother. That meant something, right?]

Look, if it's some cup doing all the damage, why not just go smash it? Set things to right?

Apparently, from what my worthwhile snooping has turned up, it needs to be pushed back the way it came or we're all going to suffer.

[ Probably should have led with that but, Loki being Loki, he finds his own problems obscure the bigger picture. Especially at thirteen. ]

[Lucifer may never have physically gone through puberty, but he was perpetually mentally in the state of one, it seemed. Mention boobies sometime, Loki.]

And that hasn't been done yet because...?

I told you, because they're taking forever!

[ rrrARRR didn't he cover this. ]

They need more technicians and sorcerers and no one will take me seriously when I insist they lend a hand, they think I'm tricking them.

Right. And why not just direct them to someone they can trust if they're so convinced you're just being odd? I would think anyone here would notice that things are a bit... odd. And if there's an explanation for that, why wouldn't they opt to confirm?

Maybe they don't care, but I do. I care an awful lot. [ Pardon the wet-sounding swallow. ] The chalice took from me everything I've been working for.

[Don't cry. He hated it when people cried. More so when those people were young and small and sticky-fingered.]

Well, then? Go get it back. Make people listen. Why not give them a kick in the backside yourself?

They won't listen anymore. I don't look as scary without my horns.

[ That's the grandest sigh in all the Ten Realms. ]

Get horns. Honestly. Get a flaming sword and swat them upside the ass.

The chalice took away most of my magic, and it's hard to trick dimwits into saving themselves. I just want ...

Don't trick them. The truth does wonders in cases of prodding people into doing what they should.

I know that, I'm the God of Lies. I'd trick them with their own sense of self-preservation but it appears no one has any.

If you can help in any way, I'll pay you back when I'm more myself. Open favour? Mostly. Don't go nuts.

[Oh, he did like the idea of making a deal. Especially with someone who might be able to pay him back in a more grand manner.]

I'll see what I can do. That's all I'll promise for now.

When you turn ten and come asking me for help, I'll be sure to frustrate you just as much. Thanks.

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hellicious - 2017-06-15 20:51 (UTC) - Expand

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lieborn - 2017-06-15 20:52 (UTC) - Expand