hellicious | Little Hades IC Inbox

At least that should save your spiders from picking up 'chocolate covered bugs' that aren't that. They're gargoyles. They might be a tad bit curious. Just let them know your rules for whatever room you're in and they'll probably listen. And I don't want to hear anything about the one doing the housework. Nothing, you hear?

That's disgusting, Lucifer. Mange is a very clean rabbit.

Did you put a gargoyle in an apron or wearing Chloe's clothes cleaning the house? I can't promise anything.

And yet he's still a rabbit. It may possibly at some angle resemble a goat. I mean it. No comments.

He's a better rabbit than he was a person if you ask me.

You made a goat gargoyle. Does it baa? Trot around on little hooves?

I didn't -make- it. It came that way. And it's your size, so mind your tongue.

It came that way. My size.

I'm trying not to be judgmental on why you might need a gargoyle in the shape of a goat that's about six foot tall and I'm coming up empty. Even you can't be that kinky.

[Can you hear the eyeroll, John?]

To clean the house, you ninny. That one does that, the rest keep track of the outside. Oh, watch for Benny. He likes passwords. I think his current one is 'newt wang'.

[He might be able to imagine it but he's doing his best not to snort out his gin while attempting not to laugh stupidly.]

I need to see how a goat cleans a house. Does Chloe know about your goat thing clomping about? If she laughed, I get to laugh. I can and will ask her too if you say 'no'.

Newt wang. Your babes are just like you, Lucifer. You must be proud.

I said goat-esque. He's a goat-goyle. Stands upright. Looks like what the Church says I do, you twit. And yes, she knows. She was there when they all came sniffing around for a new home. And no, she didn't laugh. Rude, John. And here you are, wanting something from me.

Is he red? Tell me he's red with a little swishy forked tail and a pair of horns.

I'm going to have to ask her about that. She seems like the sort to laugh if she got the joke.

I have other places I can sleep. The Head Librarian's office has a nice carpet in it so long as you wear earplugs to keep out the bookworms.

He's stone. Grey. No tail. You're an ungrateful prat, is what you are. Hold on, let me get you blips so you don't go blasting the help. Felix(insert odd long addition to his bloody name here) Binx Bensen Goats McOats aka Goaty

Can I give him a glowing red nose?

You have enough people to pat your arse, and if that gin were anything to go by, a certain angel to do so lovingly. I don't just 'blast' nice statuary. Those things can get expensive.

Goats McOats? I am laughing now.

Laugh at that, yes. I don't know his bloody name. He just grunts at me and moves around and does the dishes. He hasn't pooped pellets in my bed over it, so I don't think it minds. The wee one's a fan of Chloe, so unless you want to wake up to it trying to ravage your toes, I'd be nice to her. Not that you wouldn't otherwise...

I don't know if gargoyles can leave pellets anywhere, Lucifer. Maybe pebbles.

You know I like Chloe. Worst I might do is satisfy my curiosity on what she wears under those clothes and if they glow in the dark too. I think my toes will be safe. If not, Mange can guard them.

Pellets. Pebbles. Same thing. I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. She's -my- Detective now, so behave.

One doesn't squish.

I meant a peek at her delicates in a drawer, not on her, Lucifer. Got more respect for you and her than that. I have an imagination for that.

Shall we put that to the test? Oh well. Have at it. She has rather boring underwear. I'm trying to convince her to upgrade. Might go steal some tasty lingerie next time I'm upstairs.

Let's not. I'm an exorcist, not a pebble hunter. If your house-goat is doing that, I don't need to investigate.

Disappointing me, and I'm not even there.

I'd only be in after Hellblazer is closed until it opens if you're having guests over. I promise not to leave Mange behind or things scattered about. Might be for a night. Maybe two or three. Don't know yet. Seeing how things shake out here first.

You're welcome. I'll let Chloe know. Try not to drink me dry, you lush.

Tell her she needs better underthings if I'm going to go to the trouble of breaking into her room and sorting through them. Curiosity is a terrible thing when not properly rewarded.

Lush? I am a professional, you twat. I have some of my own to bring if you don't whine about something of poor quality passing the door of your sacred pleasure palace.

Oh no. I'll let you tell her. I need a little entertainment. I SUPPOSE if it'll keep you from sucking all my good stuff into oblivion...

I'll do it. Just point her in my direction.

[Yup. Drunk. Big surprise, huh?]

Your good stuff isn't that good. This is Hell after all. Even your money earned from orgies only goes so far.

Keep it to yourself, but I'm planning a trip back home. Chloe needs to see her spawn to come to terms with everything and I plan on raiding Lux.

I had a thought on the Chloe thing. You raiding Lux, not so much.

I'm going up with her and I don't need to moon over a small child. So it's time better spent if I do a little gathering.

He texted. Willingly. Parts of Hell must be frosty.

That or he's drunk and doesn't want Lucifer to know.

It's John. He's always drunk.

He has his reasons.

He IS a reason. >>

Yes, well, it lets him sleep at night. Sort of.

Passing out. Sleeping. Same thing.

Better than being awake all the time.

You miss out on so much fun, John.

Bedtime comes early when one has to run a shop in Hell, Lucy.

whine whine whine. Hire employees

Because people he would trust in his home are everywhere, right?

He trusts Lucifer. Well, THIS Lucifer

He trusts both Lucifers.

We need to work on his taste.

John has wonderful taste, thank you very much.

Only when it comes to him.

Easy there, peacock

/fans out feathers

Oh look an expensive duster

/fwaps in face

Strip tease prop then?

... Now I'm picturing Lucifer doing a strip tease. Thanks.

better than Chloe spanking?

I dunno. Both are pretty good options.