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[hellicious]

"Busy with something wicked. Leave a message. Ta."

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audio » @LOKIOFASGARD

[lieborn]

Mister Devil! Remember me, Loki of ye olde world? I need your assistance in heroically saving the world. [ And me.

Sure sounds pintsize, did someone's voice unbreak. ]

Audio

[hellicious]

[Why did this voice suddenly sound younger? Lucifer felt a shudder skip through him.]

You do realize you've come to the wrong place for heroing, mm? Devil, remember?

[lieborn]

Yeah, they say that about me too, but you seem less soul-sucky than I anticipated and the actual heroes are proving to be as useful as a sack of goat dung, so ...

Have you heard about this chalice business?

[hellicious]

Not really interested in souls. I just happened to have to watch over them for... far too long. They came on their own accord. Or on His.

[Just to clear up a few things. Satan gave zero fucks about souls, Loki.]

I have not. Is it something I should have heard about?

[lieborn]

Cool, good to know. And yes! A wizard asked for something from the portal and a time-altering chalice tried to spit itself out instead, now it's trapped there and a bunch of us are regressing! I'm thirteen.

[hellicious]

Ew.

[That came out unbidden, Lucifer surprised into reacting before he caught hold of himself.]

Well. That's... unfortunate. Is it doing that to everyone?

[A sudden wonder if he'd find the love of his life waddling around in diapers. Father save him.]

[lieborn]

No, only a few of us are de-aged, but the damnable cup took my sister's arm off somehow. I've alerted a bunch of heroic types to deal with it, but ...

[ But no one is really listening to him anymore, and it's not because he's him. It's because he has puppyfat. Ew, indeed. ]

[hellicious]

I met with your sister. She seems lovely. Reminds me of home, almost.

[All lack of humor and deadly grace.]

And what would you want me to do, mm? I'm afraid time isn't my gig. If Amenadiel were here and had his powers, I'd suggest him.

[lieborn]

She's terrifying, it's pretty great.

[ Fond as he sounds, he huffs as they get back to the point. ]

Can't you scare someone? Kick someone up the backside with a hoof, "Get a move on!" Have them make haste.

[hellicious]

... No hooves, thank you. That goat thing was a lie.

[He was going to pluck Amenadiel bald.]

I could likely scare them. But I don't think that would do anything other than make them wet themselves.

[lieborn]

Good. Make them cry like babes. [ Said with all the conviction of a sour teenager that can't reach any of the shelves where he lives. His life is so difficult. ] You're not going to help, then?

[ His list of Worthy and Powerful adults is running surprisingly thin. ]

[hellicious]

Less that I'm not and more that I don't know what you expect me to do. I'm not omnipotent, dear boy. I could swat someone upside the head, but I can't make them do anything.

...

Correction, I don't make people do anything. Quite a strong believer in Free Will. If they want to be a bunch of idiots running amok, then that's their own bloody fault, isn't it?

[lieborn]

But I'm short.

[ Not the gravest of his current concerns but a very strong reason to whine petulantly. ]

[hellicious]

So grow out of it? Aren't you a shapeshifter?

[lieborn]

It doesn't work like that, I can't even ...

[ Clamping his mouth shut as he almost admits too much, he snorts and the sound of him flopping on a couch carries over the line. ]

Never mind. You can go back to your nice tall life now.

[hellicious]

I am rather tall, yes.

[Another point of Pride for him. Taller than Amenadiel, who was his big brother. That meant something, right?]

Look, if it's some cup doing all the damage, why not just go smash it? Set things to right?

[lieborn]

Apparently, from what my worthwhile snooping has turned up, it needs to be pushed back the way it came or we're all going to suffer.

[ Probably should have led with that but, Loki being Loki, he finds his own problems obscure the bigger picture. Especially at thirteen. ]

[hellicious]

[Lucifer may never have physically gone through puberty, but he was perpetually mentally in the state of one, it seemed. Mention boobies sometime, Loki.]

And that hasn't been done yet because...?

[lieborn]

I told you, because they're taking forever!

[ rrrARRR didn't he cover this. ]

They need more technicians and sorcerers and no one will take me seriously when I insist they lend a hand, they think I'm tricking them.

[hellicious]

Right. And why not just direct them to someone they can trust if they're so convinced you're just being odd? I would think anyone here would notice that things are a bit... odd. And if there's an explanation for that, why wouldn't they opt to confirm?

[lieborn]

Maybe they don't care, but I do. I care an awful lot. [ Pardon the wet-sounding swallow. ] The chalice took from me everything I've been working for.

[hellicious]

[Don't cry. He hated it when people cried. More so when those people were young and small and sticky-fingered.]

Well, then? Go get it back. Make people listen. Why not give them a kick in the backside yourself?

[lieborn]

They won't listen anymore. I don't look as scary without my horns.

[ That's the grandest sigh in all the Ten Realms. ]

[hellicious]

Get horns. Honestly. Get a flaming sword and swat them upside the ass.

[lieborn]

The chalice took away most of my magic, and it's hard to trick dimwits into saving themselves. I just want ...